When Songs Attack
by puppy-on-crack
Summary: Somthing is happening in hogwarts! students and teachers are randomly bursting out in songs!     this is just a little plot bunny that would not go away! i tried pioson, shooting it, starving it but it was stubborn... well here it is. dont expect alot
1. Hogwarts never ends

The great hall was silent as a blast of music filled the air. Suddenly lights focused into a spot light, right where Harry was standing at the door. He raised the microphone he had in his hand and began to sing.

HEY!  
>Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh<br>HEY!  
>Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh<br>HEY!

7 Years you think for sure  
>That's all you've got to endure<br>All the total dicks  
>All the Stuck-up Chicks<br>So superficial, so immature

Then When you graduate,  
>Ya take a look around and you say "Hey Wait!"<br>This is the same as where I just came from,  
>I thought it was over, Aw that's just great.<p>

The Whole Damn World is just as obsessed  
>With who's the best dressed and who's having sex<br>Who's got the money. Who gets the witches  
>Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess<p>

And you still don't have the right look  
>And you don't have the right friends<br>Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends

Hogwarts Never Ends  
>Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh<br>HEY!  
>Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh<br>HEY!

Check out the popular kids  
>You'll never guess what Seamus did!<br>And how did Ron lose all that weight?  
>And Pansy had a baby so I guess Greg's straight!<p>

And the only thing that matters,  
>Is climbing up that social ladder<br>Still care about your hair and the broom you fly  
>Doesn't matter if you're 16 or 35<p>

Lavender Brown, she's the Prom Queen  
>Hermione, Captain of the chess team<br>Fred and George, the clowns  
>Dra-co, the quarterback<p>

Seen it all before  
>I want my Sickles back!<p>

The Whole damn World is just as obsessed  
>With who's the best dressed and who's having sex<br>Who's death eater and who's on the drugs  
>And who's throwin up before they digest<p>

And you still don't have the right look  
>And you don't have the right friends<br>And you still listen to the same shit you did back then

Hogwarts Never Ends  
>Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh<br>Hogwarts Never Ends

The Whole Damn World is just as obsessed  
>With who's the best dressed and who's having sex<br>Who's got the money. Who gets the witches  
>Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess<p>

And I still don't have the right look  
>And I still have the same 2 friends<br>And I'm pretty much - the same as - I was back then

Hogwarts Never Ends  
>Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh<br>Hogwarts Never Ends

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh  
>Hogwarts Never Ends<p>

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh  
>Here We Go Again<p>

Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh, Oh Oh Oh-Oh

Suddenly the music stopped, and Harry slumped forward on the table he had been standing on. When he looked back up there was confusion in his eyes.

"What's going on?" He asked "Why is everyone staring at me?" no one said anything. They chose to just stare.

There you are first one in a series I hope! BTW I don't own harry potter or the characters, and unfortunately I am not making money... Oh! And the original song is from Bowling for Soup "High school never ends". I hoped you liked it :P


	2. The students arent alright

The Great Hall was clamoring with student when all the lights went out. When they came on Hermione was standing on the Front Table in front of Dumbledore. She pulled back her hair and grabbed the Microphone that was floating in front of her face. Suddenly, a guitar began playing out of nowhere. And In a surprisingly good voice she began to sing.

When we were young the future was so bright  
>The old School was so alive<br>And every kid on the whole damn corridor  
>Was gonna make it big and not be beat<p>

Now the Hogwarts cracked and torn  
>The students are grown up but their lives are worn<br>How can one little place  
>Swallow so many lives<p>

Chances thrown  
>Nothing's free<br>Longing for what used to be  
>Still it's hard<br>Hard to see  
>Fragile lives, shattered dreams<p>

Ginny had a chance, well she really did  
>Instead she dropped out and had a couple of kids<br>Dean's still lives at home cause he's got no job  
>He just makes up spell and smokes a lot of pot<p>

Ron committed suicide  
>Harry OD'd and died<br>What the hell is going on  
>The cruelest dream, reality<p>

Chances thrown  
>Nothing's free<br>Longing for what used to be  
>Still it's hard<br>Hard to see  
>Fragile lives, shattered dreams<p>

Chances thrown  
>Nothing's free<br>Longing for what used to be  
>Still it's hard<br>Hard to see  
>Fragile lives, shattered dreams<p>

She shook her head, as if to clear her ears of water. She looked down at her feet that were covered in food, and the plate she had accidentally kicked into Snape's lap. Her face turned beet red and she darted out of the hall. The people began to whisper. There was one question going through their minds. What was going on?

There is song two! It's "The kids aren't all right" by the offspring, redone of course! And I don't own harry potter, but that doesn't mean I didn't try to! If you liked this read my story "I've been naughty" it's good for a laugh!


	3. Gay or European

Just so you know;

G-Ginny R-Ron Her- Hermione T- Theodore Nott

H-Harry B- Blaise D-Draco P-Pansy

Enjoy, it's from legally blonde the musical! It's not mine :p

(-)

Everyone in Hogwarts was sitting down for the monthly school meeting. Children shuffled restlessly they were sure part of the meeting was going to be about the singing epidemic. Then the slyhterins walked in, mere seconds away from the bell. Ginny turned to Harry and whispered.

"Wow. Blaise is so gay!" and before Harry could answer her a high-tempoed beat rung out in the air. All the students groaned,

G:  
>There! Right There!<br>Look at that tan, that tinted skin.  
>Look at the killer shape he's in.<br>Look at that slightly stubbly chin.  
>Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.<p>

H:  
>I'm not about to celebrate.<br>Every trait could indicate the totally straight expotriate.  
>This guy's not gay, i say not gay.<p>

All:  
>That is the elephant in the room.<br>Well is it relevant to assume  
>that a man who wears perfume<br>is automatically matically fay?

D:  
>But look at his quaff and crispy locks.<p>

G:  
>Look at his silk translucent socks.<p>

H:  
>There's the eternal paradox.<br>Look what we're seeing.

G:  
>What are we seeing?<p>

H:  
>Is he gay?<p>

G:  
>Of course he's gay.<p>

H:  
>Or European?<p>

All:  
>ohhhhhh.<br>Gay or European?  
>It's hard to guarantee<br>Is he gay or european?

R:  
>Well, hey don't look at me.<p>

P:  
>You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.<br>They play peculiar sports.

All:  
>In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.<br>Gay or foreign fella?  
>The answer could take weeks.<br>They will say things like "ciao bella"  
>while they kiss you on both cheeks.<p>

G:  
>Oh please.<p>

All:  
>Gay or European?<br>So many shades of gray.

R:  
>Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.<p>

All:  
>Is he gay or European?<br>or

Her:  
>There! Right There!<br>Look at that condescending smirk.  
>Seen it on every guy at work.<br>That is a metro-hetro jerk.  
>That guy's not gay, i say no way.<p>

All:  
>That is the elephant in the room.<br>Well is it relevant to presume  
>that a hottie in that costume<p>

G:  
>Is automatically-radically<p>

H:  
>ironically-cronically<p>

P:  
>scurtinly-curtainly<p>

R:  
>genetically-netically<p>

All:  
>GAY!<br>OFFICIALLY GAY!  
>OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY<br>DAMMIT

Gay or European?

H:  
>So stylish and relaxed.<p>

All:  
>Is he gay or European?<p>

H:  
>I think his chest is waxed.<p>

P:  
>But they bring their boys up different there.<br>It's culturally diverse.  
>It's not a fashion curse.<p>

All:  
>If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.<br>Gay or just exotic?  
>I still can't crack the code.<p>

Brooke:  
>Yet his accent is hypnotic<br>but his shoes are pointy toed.

All:  
>Huh.<br>Gay or European?  
>So many shades of gray.<p>

Judge:  
>But if he turns out straight I'm free at 8 on saturday.<p>

All:  
>Is he gay or European?<br>gay or european?  
>Gay or Euro-<p>

Dt:  
>Wait a minute!<br>Give me a chance to crack this guy.  
>I have an idea I'd like to try.<p>

H:  
>The floor is yours.<p>

Dt:  
>So Mr. Argitacos...<br>This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...?

Ricos:  
>2 years.<p>

Dt:  
>And your first name again is...?<p>

B:  
>B.<p>

Dt:  
>And your boyfriend's name is...?<p>

B:  
>Theodore<br>I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend.  
>I thought you say best friend. T is my best friend.<p>

T:  
>You bastard!<br>You lying bastard!  
>That's it.<br>I no cover for you, no more!  
>Peoples.<br>I have a big announcement.  
>This man is Gay and European!<br>you've got to stop your being  
>a completely closet case.<br>No matter what he say.  
>I sware he never ever ever swing the other way.<br>You are so gay.  
>You big parfait!<br>You flaming boy in cabaret.

B:  
>I'm straight!<p>

T:  
>You were not yesterday.<br>So if I may, I'm proud to say,  
>He's gay!<p>

All:  
>And European!<p>

T:  
>He's gay!<p>

All:  
>And European!<p>

T:  
>He's gay!<p>

All:  
>And European and Gay!<p>

B:  
>Fine okay I'm gay!<p>

All:  
>Hooray!<p>

B and T:  
>Fine. Okay. We're gay!<p>

People stared as the two boy kissed each other on the lips. To their left Professor Sprout handed Professor Flitwick 4 galleons.

(-)

YAY! Another one done… btw if you haven't seen the play look it up on the internet. BEST PLAY EVER…. I think I may do another one of the songs.

Ciao Bella! *wink*


	4. Positive

It was quiet Harry and Draco walked into the Great Hall. Everyone was on edge, but there was a igh of relief when neither started to sing. There was a sob as Ginny banged her head down on the table then a sound like an angels chorus rang out over everyone's groans.

HERMIONE

Honey whatcha cryin at?  
>You're not losing him to that<br>Both his hair and shoes are flat  
>Why is he so rude?<p>

LAVENDER  
>Wipe your tears, it's no big thing<br>You were meant to wear his ring  
>Cheer-up, chin-up<br>its time to bring a happy aditude 

GIRLS  
>Keep it positive<br>And slap him to the floor  
>Keep it positive<br>You can pull his hair and call him whore

You can take her in a fight

You and he will reunite!

You know we're right  
>We're positive<p>

KILL HIM!

GINNY,  
>Girls, girls!<br>Violence is never wise  
>Not the way to win that guy<br>Anyway she's twice my size  
>who's gotta plan B?<p>

PAVARTI  
>Uh, me.<br>Look at her, she's like a nun  
>Showin you are way more fun<br>Bust out the lap dance  
>and you won<br>You off the hizzle, gee!

GINNY,  
>what?<p>

GIRLS,  
>Kepp it positive<br>Let out your inner freak  
>Keep it positive<br>Mr. Prissy Pants won't last a week

You will wear his appitite  
>You and he will reunite<p>

You know we're right  
>We're positive<br>We're positive  
>We're positive<br>We're posi...

GINNY,  
>(Spoken)<br>Omigod... You're making me sick.

GIRL,  
>(Spoken)<br>Are we?

DRACO,  
>(Spoken)<br>Harry, let's take this back to my table.

GIRLS,  
>AAAAHHHH!<br>Hey, hey, hey!  
>Keep it positive<br>That he loves you and not him  
>The hot tub<br>And the betchyas'  
>He don't know the real him<br>You feel him  
>So don't let him steal him<br>wakin' up like sleepin beauty  
>Turn his head with your red hot booty<br>You bring the noise and you bring the funk  
>Others would be hot to shake your junk<br>shake, shake, shake, shake,  
>shake, shake, shake, shake,<br>Whoo

(DANCE BREAK)

GINNY,  
>(Spoken)<br>Girls, how is this helping? He's not even here!  
>He left while we were shaking "junk"! Wait!<br>(Sung)  
>Girls I'm positive<br>That we've taken this to far  
>No I'm positive<br>This is Harverd not a stripper bar  
>All this trashy carrin on<br>Thats the reason that he's gone  
>I need a salon<br>Girls I'm

ALL,  
>Positive<p>

GINNY,  
>Try not to get upset<br>That I'm

ALL,  
>Positive<p>

GINNY,  
>It's time for me to go brunette<p>

GIRLS,  
>what!<p>

GINNY,  
>Being red<br>and being hot  
>has gottin me exactly squat!<br>gotta to show him I've got more to give  
>No im positive<p>

GIRLS,  
>Positive<p>

GINNY,  
>I'm positive<p>

GIRLS,  
>Positive<p>

GINNY,  
>I'm positive<p>

GIRLS,  
>Positive<br>Positive

ALL,  
>Positive!<p>

They stopped singing, all the girls panting in exhaustion. Then they heard Harry speak up.

"Ginny I'm not dating Draco, we just come from working on a potions project together. Way to over react."

O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O

YAY another one! If you read my other story you would know that for the last few months I lost the information necessary to get on the account. Sorry for the inconvience. Apparently it was Fate's hint for me to get a life. I havebravely ignored it in favor for online friends! Smooches! (btw the song is Positive from legally blonde, I love show tunes!)


	5. Hogwarts Tango

HEYY! Just so you know I'm only gonna do a few more of these, I'm running out of show tunes that will fit. Then you will find who is making this all happen! Love ya, the author

p.s. to the tune of The Cell Block Tango

P.p. s did you know u could continuously add onto a letter by adding another p? Just figured it out :P

O~~~~~~~~~O

Everyone was getting nervous. Progressively the songs were becoming more often and more violent. Everyone was on their toes, even though professor Dumbledore promised that he was well on the was of finding the cause. Suddenly during lunch a group of girls burst into the Great Hall for another song.

Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz!  
>Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz!<p>

Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz!

Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz!

All:  
>He had it coming<br>He had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame.<br>If you'd have been there  
>If you'd have seen it<p>

Pavarti  
>I betcha you would have done the same!<p>

Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz!

Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz! 

All:  
>He had it coming<br>He had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame.<br>If you'd have been there  
>If you'd have seen it<p>

Pavarti  
>I betcha you would have done the same!<p>

Ginny:Pop. Annie: Six. Pansy: Squish. Fluer: Uh-Uh. Pavarti Cicero. Mona: Lipschitz!

Ginny: Girls:  
>You know how people He had it coming<br>have these little habits that He had it coming  
>get you down. Like Harry. He only had himself to blame.<br>Harry liked to chew gum.  
>No, not chew. Pop. Well, I If you'd have been there<br>came home this one day and If you'd have seen it  
>I am really irritated, and I betcha you would<br>looking for a little sympathy Have done the same!  
>and there's Harry layin' on He had it coming<br>the couch, drinkin' a beer and He had it coming  
>chewin'. No, not chewin'. He only had himself to blame.<br>Popin'. So, I said to him, I If you'd have been there  
>said, "Harry, you pop that If you'd have seen it<br>gum one more time..." I betcha you would  
>And he did! Have done the same!<p>

Ginny:  
>So I took the shotgun off the wall<br>and fired two warning shots...  
>...into his head.<p>

All:  
>He had it coming<br>He had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame.<br>If you'd have been there  
>If you'd have heard it<br>I betcha you would  
>Have done the same!<p>

Hermione Girls:  
>I met Ezekiel Young from He had it coming<br>Salt Lake City about two years ago He had it coming  
>and he told me he was single child He only had himself<br>and we hit it off right away. To blame.  
>So, we started living together. If you'd have been there<br>He'd go to work, he'd come work, I'd mix If you'd have seen it  
>Him a drink, we'd have dinner. Well, it was I betcha you would<br>like heaven in two and a half rooms. Have done the same!  
>And then I found out, He had it coming<br>"Single child" he told me? He had it coming  
>Single child, my ass. Not only did he have siblings. He only had himself<br>...oh, no, he had six brothers. To blame.  
>One of those Mormons, If you'd have been there<br>you know. So that night when If you'd have seen it  
>he came home. I mixed him I betcha you would<br>his drink as usual. Have done the same!

Hermione  
>You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!<p>

Ginny, Hermione, Pansy, Mona: Pavarti& Fluer:  
>Hah! He had it coming Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,<br>He had it coming Cicero, Lipschitz!  
>He took a flower<br>In its prime  
>And the he used it Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,<br>And he abused it Cicero, Lipschitz!  
>It was a murder<br>But not a crime!

Pansy: Girls:  
>Now, I'm standing in the kitchen Pop, Six,<br>carvin' up the chicken for dinner, Squish, Uh-Uh,  
>minding my own business, Cicero, Lipschitz!<br>and in storms my husband Wilbur, Pop, Six,  
>in a jealous rage. Squish, Uh-Uh,<br>"You been screwin' the milkman," Cicero, Lipschitz!  
>he says. He was crazy Pop, Six,<br>and he kept on screamin' Squish, Uh-Uh,  
>"You been screwin' the milkman," Cicero, Lipschitz!<p>

Pansy:  
>And then he ran into my knife! He ran into my knife TEN TIMES!<p>

All:  
>If you'd have been there<br>If you'd have seen it  
>I betcha you would have done the same!<p>

Fluer:  
>Mit keresek, enn itt? Azt mondjok, hogy lakem lefogta a ferjemet<br>en meg lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem  
>tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tetten. Probaltam a rendorsegen<br>megmagyarazni de nem ertettek meg...

Pansy:  
>Yeah, but did you do it?<br>Fluer:  
>UH UH, not guilty!<p>

Pavarti Girls:  
>My sister, Padnma, and I did this double act He had it coming<br>and my boy friend Dean, used to travel He had it coming  
>round with us. Now for the last number in He only had<br>our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a Himself  
>row, one, two, three, four, five... To blame.<br>Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, If you'd have been there  
>one right after the other. Well, this one night If you'd have seen it<br>we are in Cicero, the three of us, sittin' up I betcha  
>in a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few You would<br>laughs and we ran out of ice, Have done  
>so I went out to get some. The same!<br>I come back, open the door He had  
>And there's Padnma and It coming<br>Dean doing Number Seventeen He had  
>-the spread eagle. It coming...<p>

Pavarti  
>Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out.<br>I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was  
>washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.<p>

Girls:  
>They had it coming<br>They had it coming  
>They had it coming all along.<br>I didn't do it  
>But if I'd done it<br>How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Pavarti Girls:  
>They had it coming<br>They had it coming  
>They had it coming<br>They had it coming  
>They had it coming<br>They took a flower  
>All along<br>In its prime  
>I didn't do it<br>And then they used it  
>But if I'd done it<br>And they abused it  
>How could you tell me<br>It was a murder  
>That I was wrong? But not a crime!<p>

Luna: Girls:  
>I love Neville Longbottom He had it coming<br>More than I can possibly say. He had it coming  
>He was a real artistic guy... He only had<br>Sensitive...a painter. Himself t  
>But he was troubled. To blame.<br>He was always trying If you'd have been  
>to find himself. There<br>He'd go out every night If you'd have seen it  
>looking for himself I betcha<br>and along the way You would  
>he found Alice, Have done<br>Lavender, The same!  
>Hermoine and Blaise.<p>

Luna:  
>I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.<br>He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.

All:  
>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum<br>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Ginny, Hermione, Luna:Pavarti, Pansy, Fluer:  
>They had it comin'<br>They had it comin'  
>They had it comin'<br>They had it comin'  
>They had it comin'<br>They had it comin'  
>All along<br>All along  
>'Cause if they used us<br>'Cause if they used us  
>And they abused us<br>And they abused us  
>How could you tell us<br>How could you tell us  
>That we were wrong?<br>That we were wrong?

Velma, Pansy, Fluer:  
>He had it coming<br>He had it coming  
>He only had<br>Himself  
>To blame.<br>If you'd have been there  
>If you'd have seen it<br>I betcha  
>You would<br>Have done  
>The same!<p>

Ginny:  
>You pop that gum one more time!<p>

Hermione:  
>Single child my ass.<p>

Pansy:  
>Ten times!<p>

Fluer:  
>Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.<p>

Pavarti  
>Number Seventeen - the spread eagle.<p>

Luna:  
>Artistic differences.<p>

All:  
>I betcha you would have done the same!<p>

Around the hall each guy that was mentioned, or knew that they were sung of, sallowed hard and tried to slink down in their seats.


End file.
